It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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