I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
