Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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