the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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