i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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