yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
