Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Congratulations! We have a period
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
