I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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