were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
