Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
