Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
