i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
