so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
