just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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