I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
