I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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