So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
