I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sext me about skeletons
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
