Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My vagina is officially offended.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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