I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
