Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was like eating out sand paper
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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