4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish my penis had an off switch
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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