Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
