Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
