I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
