I could have mohawked her pubes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
