I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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