It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
