Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
