Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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