I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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