you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
