Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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