Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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