Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
