i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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