He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
