4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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