if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
