i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
