right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Still dying that you shit outside
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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