I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
