they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
