From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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