Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
