This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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