I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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