I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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