so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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