I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.