I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..