I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
