we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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