I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
