My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
