is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
