I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
