watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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