My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
