The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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