just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Two words: nipple clamps
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