I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
