I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
